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The Return Desk

A two-person comedy scene, written for Sides. About 1 min.

A customer returns a wedding dress, worn.

Clerk
20s to 30s. Follows the policy, mostly
Donna
30s to 50s. Married for eleven hours
You read
  1. Clerk

    Hi, what are we returning today?

  2. Donna

    This dress.

  3. Clerk

    Okay. Is there a reason for the return?

  4. Donna

    It didn’t work out.

  5. Clerk

    The fit?

  6. Donna

    The marriage.

  7. Clerk

    I’m so sorry.

  8. Donna

    Don’t be. Eleven hours. Shortest one in my family. My aunt held the record at six weeks.

  9. Clerk

    I can only take returns within thirty days, unworn, with tags.

  10. Donna

    It’s been twenty-nine days. And the tags are right here.

  11. She holds up a ziplock bag.

  12. Clerk

    It has... cake on it.

  13. Donna

    That’s frosting. Cake would be a stain. Frosting brushes off.

  14. Clerk

    Ma’am, it was clearly worn.

  15. Donna

    For eleven hours. Less than a day. That’s barely a test drive.

  16. Clerk

    I don’t think I’m allowed to...

  17. Donna

    Can I tell you something? He proposed in this store. Right by the shoes. So in a way, the store owes me.

  18. Clerk

    Store credit.

  19. Donna

    I’ll take it. Where are the shoes?

Written for Sides.

More scenes to rehearse